A vulnerable look at generational fear, subconscious memory, and the grounding tools that supported me through an emotional experience in my life and how it can support you through yours.

Sometimes we have to do things we don’t love in the name of health.

At 35, my mom started warning me about the dangers of breast cancer. She is a 25-year survivor and knows all too well the pain and struggle a breast cancer diagnosis is. “Tell your doctor you need a mammogram early,” she said.

But there was something that made me put it off. On the surface, I was busy, I didn’t have time. But underneath my too-busyness was the truth: I was resisting facing something that made me scared.

I too had experienced her breast cancer recovery my senior year in high school, and it had given me a mixture of emotions that I didn’t realize I had been suppressing all these years until I had to experience it myself.

But I finally found the time and bravery to face my first mammogram.

I didn’t know at the time that it would lead into a follow-up ultrasound.

Not understanding what that meant, I laid there believing that this was just part of the process. The ultrasound tech mentioned they would be contacting me to let me know what’s next.

“Wait why?” I was confused.

“Oh, you didn’t know?” she said. “You have 7 cysts in your breasts.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and the suppressed emotion from my mom’s journey began surfacing.

I hadn’t realized until now that I had this underlying fear and anxiety around getting cancer like my mom had.

This is also where I now understand something Louise Hay taught. ~The heart and chest are where we hold fear, grief, and emotional protection. She wrote, “The heart represents the center of love and security,” and when fear or old trauma rises, the heart energy can constrict. 

And in that moment, my chest felt tight, heavy, and protective, as if my body was remembering everything from my mother’s journey that I never processed.

Fast forward multiple doctor’s visits, tears, phone calls to my mom, sleepless nights and I found myself at the women’s center for breast health. I was referred to get a biopsy.

I shook, I cried, I tried to breathe deeply. The most painful part of it really was the unprocessed emotion I didn’t realize I had within me from just the fear of having breast cancer. Even though I knew happy endings existed since my mom was still very much alive 25 years later, I still struggled to control my emotions.

As I shook on the table where they were gathering the sample of the cyst, the doctor asked me, “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a life coach and teach breathwork,” I said.

Hearing myself say this aloud added a layer of shame to my experience. I am announcing that I help people manage stress all the while I can’t even manage my own.

I decided that if I could coach other people through this, I could coach myself. So I started to ask myself: What advice would I give a client who needed help managing an experience like this? And this is how I began to follow my own advice.

One affirmation from Louise Hay that resurfaced for me during this time was:
“I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself.” A reminder that this experience was not a punishment, but an invitation to heal a very old fear.

Luckily, the biopsy came out benign. But with a history of breast cancer in my family, on top of having dense breast tissue, on top of already having cysts, my level of risk is about 15% higher than a typical 40-year-old. Research shows that women with dense breasts not only have higher risk for developing breast cancer, but dense tissue also makes mammograms harder to interpret increasing the chance of missed early detection (American College of Radiology, 2023).

So, it is recommended that I get a breast MRI once a year, and a mammogram once a year.
So every 6 months, I must face my fears.

And this is how I do it.

I Remind Myself That This Process Is to Keep Me Safe, Not Scared

If I wasn’t here, being checked and monitored, I could be missing something early. Everything I’ve read about cancer is that early detection is key and research confirms this. According to the National Cancer Institute, breast cancers found early have a 99% 5-year survival rate.

“When we create peace, harmony, and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives.”-Louise Hay

I am grateful my doctors are on top of it. This is care. This is protection. This is my future being honored.

It Puts Life Into Perspective

One outcome through this process that I didn’t expect is how it brought me closer to my husband. Not knowing what this was about terrified both of us. It forced us to look at life in a different way.

What would happen if I had a cancer diagnosis?

It didn’t have to take a diagnosis for us to quickly realize how important it is to cherish our time together and prioritize our health.

I did a meditation during this experience and prayed for some type of direction. My higher self showed me playing carelessly on the beach with my children. My soul kept turning me toward the love in my life and what truly mattered.

And in the softness of that vision, I kept hearing Louise Hay’s affirmation for the heart:
“My heart is open to love. I joyously release the past. I am safe.”

It made me realize all the things I GET to do in this lifetime.
Because of this, I rarely spend time doing things that are not a priority anymore and I have released guilt around it. This experience helped me find alignment in my life.

I Needed the Support of My Husband and Learned How to Ask

The level of anxiety I faced forced me to have to lean on my husband in a new way. It deepened my trust in him and allowed him to show up for me in a new way. He comes with me to all my appointments for support and advocacy when maybe I am dysregulated and not thinking straight.

Is it inconvenient for him? Yes, I am sure sometimes it is. He brings his laptop to the waiting room to get in some work between appointments. But we’ll also add on a special lunch date to allow ourselves time to connect and regulate through it.

I Learned to Ask For and Accept Help from Doctors Without Self-Judgment

I cannot go into the MRI machine without medication.
Looking at the table puts me in flight mode. I have literally broken down in tears and run from the room before.

There was a time where I was fearful of being injected with the contrast because my grandmother died from an allergic reaction to an injection. Trauma doesn’t always originate in our own experiences, sometimes it’s inherited.

When they tell me to sit still, I suddenly feel like every part of my body has to move. I guess I have claustrophobia.

To help me cope, my doctor prescribed a mild anti-anxiety medication that helps my mind stay just a little bit calmer. It doesn’t totally take away the fear, but it definitely helps me not run from the room. I wouldn’t have known this existed if I didn’t speak up about the fear I had been feeling. I take it on my way to the appointment and it wears off on the way home.

There is no shame in receiving support.
Louise Hay often tied tightness in the chest to holding emotional pain, fear, and grief. One of her healing affirmations for this is:
“It is safe to feel. I release all fears. I trust life and I trust myself.”

Our nervous systems are not designed to white-knuckle our way through everything.

I Turn to My Breath and Visualization

Even with medication, the confined space, not being able to move, and the loud clicking sounds create a sensory overload that adds additional stress to the underlying fears associated with getting checked for breast cancer.

So I follow my own advice and focus on my breath.
I inhale slowly through my nose, feeling the air in my lungs, and slowly breathe back out knowing that slow, deep nasal breathing brings me into a more calm and rational state. Research shows that slow breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, reduces cortisol, and increases emotional regulation (Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 2021).

I then visualize a place that is happy and calming for me. Sometimes it is on the beach with my children, sometimes it is in a cozy cabin in the woods. But mostly, visualizing nature is very helpful for me.

Studies show that even imagining natural environments lowers stress markers and soothes the sympathetic nervous system (Environmental Research, 2020).

This experience also awakened a deeper connection to my heart,  not just emotionally, but energetically. February tends to bring so much attention to love, but what I’ve learned through my anxiety, my healing, and even my yearly screenings, is that heart energy is not just about romance. It’s the frequency of compassion, courage, and coherence. Research from the HeartMath Institute shows that slow breathing creates “heart coherence”  which are harmonious signals between heart and brain that strengthens emotional resilience. For me, heart energy has become a reminder that I am safe to feel, safe to soften, and safe to be supported. Even in medical rooms filled with machines and uncertainty, my heart,  not my fear,  can lead the way.

This journey also opened my eyes to how many forms of emotional support exist for women facing breast-related fear or trauma. Creative therapies, especially art therapy, have been shown to reduce anxiety and help people process overwhelming emotion. A recent story from NewYork-Presbyterian Health Matters highlights the powerful healing effects of art therapy for breast cancer patients, showing how expressive practices can support emotional release and internal regulation during stressful medical experiences.

You can read it here:
https://healthmatters.nyp.org/inspired-art-therapy-breast-cancer-patients/

It reminded me that healing doesn’t have to look one way. We are allowed to use every supportive tool available to us.

If You’re Holding Fear or Tension in Your Body, Breathwork Can Help

If reading this opened something in you and if you felt your own fear, tension, or unprocessed emotion rise to the surface,  breathwork can help you release what your body has been holding.

Research consistently shows that suppressed emotions contribute to long-term nervous system dysregulation, heightened stress responses, and physical symptoms when left unaddressed. Breathwork is one of the most powerful ways to shift your internal state, support your stress response, and create space for emotional release in a way that feels safe and supported.

I offer 1:1 breathwork sessions designed to help you:

• release the emotions your body has been carrying
• reconnect to inner calm during stressful seasons
• regulate your nervous system
• create safety in your body so clarity and intuition return
• process experiences your mind feels “over” but your body hasn’t let go of

✨ Book your personalized session here or send me a DM with on instagram the word “BREATHE.”

 Louise Hay’s Work in Healing

• A big part of my healing journey especially through experiences like mammograms, biopsies, and MRIs has involved understanding not just the physical body, but the energetic and emotional layers underneath. That’s why I chose to weave in teachings from Louise Hay throughout this piece. 
• Her work doesn’t blame or shame. Instead, it helps us look at the emotional stories and energetic patterns we’ve carried, sometimes for decades or even generations. Louise Hay often taught that areas like the heart, chest, and breasts hold the emotional frequency of love, safety, grief, and nurturance and this resonated deeply with my personal experience. You can learn more from her book You Can Heal Your Heart by  Louise L. Hay  and Dr. David Kessler
• I included her affirmations because they remind us that healing is not only medical or physical, it’s emotional, spiritual, and energetic. When fear rises, when old memories surface, when our chest tightens or our breath shortens, it isn’t just the brain reacting the entire energy system responds. And sometimes, our body is simply asking us to soften, to listen, and to release what we’ve been unconsciously holding.
• Her teachings gave me language for experiences I hadn’t yet put words to. They helped me understand why this journey stirred so much emotion, and they reminded me that we can support the body not only through screenings and early detection, but through compassion, surrender, and energetic alignment. I often use her books as resources when client’s energy intersect with illness~ All IS WELL by Louise Hay and Mona Lisa Schulz MD PHD  is my favorite for that. 

If You Want to Understand What Your Body Might Be Holding Energetically

One of the most powerful things I learned through this process is that fear, grief, generational trauma, and emotional memories don’t live only in the mind,  they live in the body and in our energy field. If you’re reading this and thinking:

• Why does my chest feel heavy when I’m overwhelmed?
• Why do certain memories resurface during stressful moments?
• Why do I feel fear even when I logically know I’m safe?
• Why does my body react before my mind does?

…there may be an energetic or emotional blockage that’s asking to be seen and released.

This is exactly what I explore in my 1:1 Energy Readings.
These sessions help you understand:

• what your body has been holding
• where your energy may feel constricted or shut down
• what emotional patterns are ready to release
• where fear or past trauma may be stored
• what your intuition is trying to communicate
• how to reconnect to your heart’s truth and your deeper purpose

If you’re curious about the energetic story behind what your body is feeling, or if you want clarity around emotions, fear, or patterns rising in your life, an Energy Reading can offer powerful insight.

✨ Send me a DM with the word “ENERGY” or click here to book your session.

Heart-Healing Intention for February (Louise Hay-Inspired)

“I am safe, loved, and supported.
My heart is open.
My body is healing.
I nourish myself with compassion.”

You are not meant to move through fear alone.
Your heart, your breath, and your healing are always available to you and I’m here to walk with you through it.

If you’re feeling stuck or unsure of how you’re meant to move forward, it can be helpful to understand what your nervous system has been doing in the background. That’s why I created The Clarity Code...a free, 2-minute quiz designed to gently reveal which protective pattern has been running your show.

Because clarity isn’t something you force.

It’s something you allow.

It comes when you stop abandoning yourself to please others.
When you listen instead of override.
When you trust that the call you feel isn’t random...it’s intentional.

This is your path. No one else can walk it for you.
And the more you turn inward, the clearer it becomes.

Your soul already knows the way.
You just have to create the space to hear it.